Wednesday, December 12, 2007

At the Edge of His Mercy

I write to you today with a heavy heart. But in my physical darkness and sadness, the Lord is still with me and I will forever give Him praise. He has NOT cast me or my family out of the reach of His mercy. I wait in grateful expectation of how He's going to work all of this out.

My parents home is no longer theirs - the home that I grew up in, the home that my children loved as "Mammy's House," the land my mother grew up on is no longer "Our Homestead." I did everything I could - everything I was called to do - to live out Isaiah 61 and offer healing to the broken and hope to the hopeless. But sometimes, as ministers, all we can do is sit back and watch our friends and family members make the same mistakes, run farther away and (my favorite part) after the world comes crashing down on them - blame someone else. It is an ugly cycle. It is a violent cycle. It is a weapon Satan uses with great success.

Are you going to be the next victim?

I've been giving you instructions in my last few posts of the precious little that God requires of you. I've called you. I've emailed you. I've prayed for you. I've cheered you on. But still, you cannot bring yourself to consummate your relationship with the Almighty, one true God who has the power to make you or destroy you, but right now, only wants to love you.

I praise God for those who have heard me. I know God used me to reach some of you and I rejoice every time you walk through the church doors or mention His holy name in an email to me.

But to those of you who refuse Him and me? How much more are you willing to lose?

Are you willing to be so far out at the edge of His mercy that He forgets you altogether? You think He won't? Are you of use to Him right now? If the answer is "no," then why should He keep you in His care?

If I were your child - your grown-up child - and I lived in your house and ate your food and left the lights on and ran up the water bill and didn't have a job and didn't clean up after myself and also never said "Thank you," would you keep me around? I wouldn't keep me around! (By the way, anyone want four kids? Just kidding.)

Like Peter walking on the water towards Jesus, your faith has slipped and left you drowning. God could save you in a heartbeat, but you refuse to call out to Him and cry "Save Me." You may even be whining, ""Saaaave Meeeee, whaa, whaa, whaa," but you will not run to His embrace.

I am an ACOA - an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. Naturally, I am an enabler. I want to fix everything and take on other people's burdens and lighten their load. When things go/went wrong in other people's lives, I somehow have always interpreted that it was my fault. I should have done more. If only I had..., I could have ... (fill in the blank.) I can stand right now with a clear conscience that I have done everything possible to be a light in your world.

Some people just won't open the blinds.