Seek and Ye Shall Find

Luke 11:9
"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you..."

I will admit when I received this scripture today, I was a bit confused. Didn't we just cover this yesterday? And yet, somehow "asking" for things and "seeking" things are a bit different, are they not? I soon found out.

My Utmost for His Highest states:
"Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss. If you ask for things from life instead of from God, you ask amiss, i.e., you ask from a desire for self-realization. The more you realize yourself, the less will you seek God. 'Seek, and ye shall find.' Get to work, narrow your interests to this one. Have you ever sought God with your whole heart, or have you only given a languid cry to Him after a twinge of moral neuralgia? Seek, concentrate, and you will find.

'Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters.' Are you thirsty, or smugly indifferent - so satisfied with your experience that you want nothing more of God? Experience is a gateway, not an end. Beware of building your faith on experience, the metallic note will come in at once, the censorious note. You can never give another person that which you have found, but you can make him homesick for what you have.

'Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.' 'Draw nigh to God.' Knock -the door is closed, and you suffer from palpitation as you knock. 'Cleanse your hands' - knock a bit louder, you begin to find you are dirty. 'Purify your heart' - this is more personal still, you are desperately in earnest now - you will do anything. 'Be afflicted' -have you ever been afflicted before God at the state of your inner life? There is no strand of self-pity left, but a heartbreaking affliction of amazement to find you are the kind of person that you are. 'Humble yourself' - it is a humbling business to knock at God's door - you have to knock with the crucified thief. 'To him that knocketh, it shall be opened."

Woah. Now that's deep. Let's take this in bite-size portions, shall we?

First off: "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss. If you ask for things from life instead of from God, you ask amiss, i.e., you ask from a desire for self-realization. The more you realize yourself the less will you seek God. 'Seek, and ye shall find.' Get to work, narrow your interests to this one. Have you ever sought God with your whole heart, or have you only given a languid cry to Him after a twinge of moral neuralgia? Seek, concentrate, and you will find."

I will never know what prompted me to this journey. I simply sought a deeper relationship with God. I knew I was being called to minister in some way. I wanted God to show me how. Next thing you know, I'm on this journey. I've given plenty o' "languid cries after twinges of moral neuralgia." I'm no longer looking for a deeper sense of self; I'm seeking God. So, here I am: seeking, concentrating and finding.

The more I seek, the more I wonder what is the end result? There is none. This journey will continue until my death. Am I up to this long road ahead of me? Then I notice that the more I seek, I am changed every day. A woman who used to be quick to anger and would flee the scene of an argument and hold a grudge against the wronging person or persons has been transformed into a woman who, when now offended, stops and says, "I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said, but my feelings were hurt and I would just like to clear the air..." A woman who used to, like Martha, put off God to spend time cleaning, saying "God, I'll make time for devotions as soon as I get the downstairs clean..." has now learned to sit among the clutter and sit with God first. The more I seek, the more I find.

'Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters.' Are you thirsty, or smugly indifferent - so satisfied with your experience that you want nothing more of God? Experience is a gateway, not an end. Beware of building your faith on experience, the metallic note will come in at once, the censorious note. You can never give another person that which you have found, but you can make him homesick for what you have. '

My journey has been capped off by a lot of moments of "being smugly indifferent; satisfied with (my) experience". I cannot say I wanted nothing more of God, but because I got to a point where I thought I figured it all out, my need for faithfulness diminished. I would act high and mighty as if I KNEW all there was to know, and since I knew everything, there was no reason to seek God out. Oh how I wish this had been revealed to me at an earlier age! Like Moses, I have wandered and wandered, trying to do it myself, thinking that this was God's way, and finding out I took a smidgeon of God's instruction and tried to carry it out on my own. Then when something wouldn't work out the way I thought it was supposed to work out, I would get mad and frustrated with God and with myself, never realizing it was because I failed to wait on God.

'Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.' 'Draw nigh to God.' Knock -the door is closed, and you suffer from palpitation as you knock. 'Cleanse your hands' - knock a bit louder, you begin to find you are dirty. 'Purify your heart' - this is more personal still, you are desperately in earnest now - you will do anything. 'Be afflicted' -have you ever been afflicted before God at the state of your inner life? There is no strand of self-pity left, but a heartbreaking affliction of amazement to find you are the kind of person that you are. 'Humble yourself' - it is a humbling business to knock at God's door - you have to knock with the crucified thief. 'To him that knocketh, it shall be opened."

I have experienced all of this: Fear of asking; need for cleansing and purification; a need for humility. I have even experienced an absolute disgust of what or whom I had become. Far too many times I became that crucified thief begging for His mercy, hoping He could find it in His heart to remember me when He comes into His kingdom.

But what is this all really about? I know who I am. I have dug deep to discover the good, the bad and the ugly time and time again. But I'm still seeking. I'm still thirsting. I want God to direct my every path - not just the ones that I can't figure out on my own. I want each step on each path to be guided by God. I want each contribution to be used for His glory. I want to realize the "new" Danielle Renee Murphy Scott - completely surrendered to and completely guided BY GOD.

So I ask and I seek.

I will find.